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How Seven Simple Words Can Save a Business Conversation Gone Wrong Has this ever happened
to you? You're talking to a client, or perhaps your boss, and you realize
the conversation has gotten off on absolutely the wrong foot. You may
have learned new and unexpected information from the other person that
renders everything you've said irrelevant. You may have walked in with
an assumption that was just not true. Or, you find you're not connecting,
and tension and anger start to creep into the exchange. It really doesn't
matter. What does matter is that a potentially productive business
conversation has become awkward and stilted-or even worse, superheated
and combative.
What do you do next? You have three options:
People are forgiving. They want things to go well, and this
question disarms them and eases the way to a new beginning.
Take the real life example of a fund raiser walking into the office
of a wealthy benefactor named Allan to ask for a million-dollar donation
to his alma mater's College of Engineering. Though he knew better, the
fund raiser failed to gain rapport and explore Allan's true interests
before jumping in with the big request. When he was severely rebuked
for his presumptuousness, the fund raiser realized he had made a serious
error and had dug himself into a deep hole. He got up and excused himself,
left the room, and 10 seconds later knocked on the door and asked the
power question, Do you mind if we start over? Allan smiled and
invited the fund raiser to sit down. Start over they did, and after
approaching the revived conversation the right way, the fund raiser
discovered that Allan was interested in making a major gift--but to
the University's theater program, not its engineering program!
Try it yourself. The next time a conversation gets off on the wrong foot or veers off track, reset with this powerful question. Here are some pointers:
Of course, starting over isn't just for the workplace. It can work just as well to defuse a budding argument with your spouse or any family member or friend. It's a bold, gutsy move to restart a conversation from scratch; it feels awkward. Most of us are not accustomed to swallowing our pride, admitting in real time that we screwed up, and asking if we can make it right. But the next time a conversation goes wrong, try it. Not only will it salvage the moment, it will pave the way for a more authentic and productive relationship in the future.
Andrew Sobel and Jerold Panas are authors of Power Questions:
Build Relationships, Win New Business, and Influence Others. Sobel
can be reached at andrewsobel.com.
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